How I Came To Be Reclaiming or Liberation Psychotherapy in Action

This came up, for me, at least, last night at coffee. I got derailed because I said something about not looking for change or transition. And that's partly true. I wasn't *looking* to *change* so much as I was looking for that elusive *spiritual experience* or *spiritual awakening*. I HAD to have a spirituality that worked for my program to keep working...so in a way I was reaching for change, transformation or looking for the spirituality that would allow the transforming which had already begun to continue. BUT, I had come FINALLY to a place where I wasn't looking for a *fix* for things I hated about me. I liked me, which IMO allowed me to find that which I was looking for.
My search was long and very interesting (it actually began at the age of 12 got off track for a few years and...) I already knew what I didn't want because I had tried that. I found that some brands of Christianity didn't work with the 12 steps (for me anyway). Or, they tried to Christianize them so as not to upset the applecart of their own beliefs. BECAUSE, if the 12 steps work while one's Higher Power is human or an inamimate object, then, that says something scary about this whole thing that many Christians of my acquaintance can't accept.
Not being a sheep was big in my childhood home. And I was taught to look, read, and gather information, with a critcal eye. THINK and come to my own conclusions. This got me into trouble with every variety of established religion of which I have experience.
On my circuitous quest for a spirituality that works I tried every variety of established faith of which I knew. But, I never found the peace and serenity within them that was a part of what I was searching for. I didn't find it - not because it wasn't there - but because it must come from within. I found it when I abandoned my quest and turned within. Granted, that sounds like a dangerous situation. But it didn't FEEL dangerous. Ot felt freeing. I wasn't searching for some elusive *thing* anymore. Some quality or feeling that everyone but me could find. I reached a place where I was able to be with me, in the place where I was, and go on from there. That's when things really began to change. I found books like The Spiral Dance and Drawing Down the Moon while casually browsing library and bookstore shelves. I hadn't stopped practising SOME form of spirituality, understand. I had just stopped my quest and stopped fighting. The form of spirituality that I needed would grow from where I was.
It must have looked vey chaotic from the outside - formless. And I had very little ability to explain in words what I was doing. It was a spirituality of doing, not saying. But I had one guiding principle: If this (these) actions/practises bring me peace then I will keep them. If not, I will discard them. That was/is the foundation stone upon which I built.
Don't think for a moment that my spirituality brings only peace and serenity. I had already reached an understanding that these are the rewards for walking through the fore. I have also learned that this is an action realted to humility. Humility allows me to reach for the changes/tansformations which will lead to peace and serenity before sagnation/denial leads to some crisis. And then, the cycle begins again...or you're dead and a different cycle begins.